


Fumbling Toward Ecstasy

by foxtales



Category: Sports RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Baseball, Blow Jobs, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, POV First Person, Romance, Seattle Mariners, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-16
Updated: 2014-05-16
Packaged: 2018-01-25 09:35:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1644029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxtales/pseuds/foxtales
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My first slash piece, originally written in 2003.</p>
<p>Title is from the song by Sarah MacLachlan.</p>
<p>Couple of story-related things: There are no wives/families for my leads. It just made it easier for me that way and, since I am lazy, I took the low road on this one.  Also, Gil did have a partially torn/frayed rotator cuff that very nearly ended his career, but I changed the symptoms and discovery/diagnosis to suit my own needs. </p>
<p>Many thanks to my awesome betas, AG, Julie and Jen.</p></blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first slash piece, originally written in 2003.
> 
> Title is from the song by Sarah MacLachlan.
> 
> Couple of story-related things: There are no wives/families for my leads. It just made it easier for me that way and, since I am lazy, I took the low road on this one. Also, Gil did have a partially torn/frayed rotator cuff that very nearly ended his career, but I changed the symptoms and discovery/diagnosis to suit my own needs. 
> 
> Many thanks to my awesome betas, AG, Julie and Jen.

Seattle, Safeco Field, 20 May 2003

Dan Wilson is on deck awaiting his first at bat of the season, and I can’t take my eyes off of him. Since I am Gil Meche, pitcher for the Mariners, that might could’ve presented a problem. Fact is, though, I’m the best damn actor to never win an Academy award. I’d had to be - I grew up in Lafayette, Louisiana and in the heart of Acadiana, you could either be aggressively heterosexual or beat near to death every week. Since I was always wanting to play sports, and I valued my life and health, I went out with girls. I tried sex with some to make sure I was covered, but they were never what I wanted. When the itch got bad enough, I’d cart myself over to New Orleans and take care of it there. I never told anyone my secret. My family, friends, teammates - to this day they all think I’m straight. Maybe someday, the academy will start handing out the ‘Real Life’ awards and us gay athletes will finally be rewarded for our performances, but I’m not holding my breath.

So, yeah, I’m gay. I’m also in love with Dan Wilson. I used to question my use of the words ‘in love,’ but I can’t do that anymore. I won’t lie, though. When I first laid eyes on Danny back at Spring Training in 1997, it was all about lust. I was an 18 year old kid out of a small high school in bayou country, and I had never encountered anyone like him before. There he was, tall and handsome and, well - I’m glad I was wearing some baggies, you know? He’d trotted over to me with a happy and relaxed grin, introduced himself and shook my hand. I hadn’t been prepared for what had happened when his long, slender fingers wrapped around my hand. Prickles of awareness had danced up my arm and warmth that had nothing to do with the weather had spread through me. I’d shivered and pulled my hand out of his grasp a little too quickly. Danny looked surprised and I’d just wanted to die when his blue eyes widened for a moment. I was sure that he had guessed what was really wrong with me, and I quickly looked down at the ground so that I wouldn’t have to see those eyes fill with anger, disgust, disbelief or any other negative emotion toward me.

His voice had been light and teasing as he told me that I needed to calm down because there were much bigger names than him I hadn’t met yet, but I didn’t raise my eyes. I hadn’t corrected his assumption that I was nervous about meeting big leaguers either, it was the perfect cover. I managed to stammer out thanks and see you later before practically running toward the clubhouse. Not the best first impression I’d ever made, but I was just relieved that my secret appeared to be safe. I knew I would have to get the hormones under control, though, because I was pretty sure that throwing Dan Wilson against the nearest wall and fucking him till we both came screaming was not the way to secure my future with the Mariners.

He’d never shown any overt interest in me after that day and that made it easier to be around him. He’d still made me feel tongue-tied and nervous, but I managed to act calm and collected on the outside. I think there was a line in a movie somewhere, ‘Act like you’ve got it together because even if you don’t, as long as you look like you do, everyone else will believe it.’ Worked for me.

I’d expected to get sent into the system that first year, but when I got my ticket to the minors at the end of ‘98, it was tough to go with a good attitude. It was even worse for ‘99 because I thought I had pitched well enough to earn my spot on the roster right out of Spring Training. I wasn’t ready to give up my coveted time with Dan either. He’d always made himself available in the past for me or any other young guy to ask any questions. Didn’t even have to be related to baseball. I’d always appreciated that policy. It was hard not to listen when a guy who had been around the league awhile offered you advice. We were getting to know each other pretty well on all levels by then and it was hard to imagine not having him around on a daily basis. I did get called up later that year and pitched pretty well. Danny didn’t catch me all the time but when he did - standing on the mound and meeting that calm, blue gaze in front of thousands of people was just amazing. The trust we’d had to build to be successful on the field made it harder for me to fight how I felt for him, though. I just didn’t have the experience to deal with the new level of emotional attachment I seemed to be developing.

I made the starting rotation straight out of Spring Training in 2000. My shoulder had been giving me trouble since before camp but I figured it was tendinitis, so I pitched through the pain, not wanting to lose my spot. During a game with the Rangers, Danny had called for my curve. The pitch had been falling for me all night, but my shoulder had reached its limit and I wasn’t sure I could drop it again. I wasn’t sure I could throw any pitch. The only thing I was sure of was the pain. I shook off the sign but with Juan Gonzalez at the plate and a 1-2 count, Danny wanted the curve. When I shook off his second request, Danny had called time and trotted out to the mound, asking me what was wrong. I looked down at the dirt, not wanting him to see how scared and in pain I was. He gently touched my shoulder and asked me again what was going on. This time, I met his concerned gaze. His eyes widened and he demanded to know where I hurt. I told him, and his hand squeezed my shoulder gently as he signaled the bench. I looked back down at the dirt as I saw Lou Pinella and Bryan Price coming toward us.

Once Lou and Bryan got to the mound, everything was explained and I was pulled. I knew my season was over, I could only hope I wouldn’t have to call it career as well. I took one last look at Safeco field, not sure at all if I would be back. My gaze swept the field and the stands and finally came to rest on Danny, who was still out on the mound awaiting the relief pitcher. Our eyes met and he gave me a small smile and a quick nod of approval. I blinked slowly, then turned and walked toward the locker room. I was scared half to death, and there was Danny letting me know that I had done the right thing by not pushing my injury any more than I had already. That was the moment I realized that what I felt for him was not going to go away; it would only continue to grow deeper.

The problem turned out to be a torn rotator cuff. I figured the surgery, then six months or so of recovery and rehab. I even went to Spring Training for the 2001 season. I couldn’t really do anything, but I showed up, sat for some interviews, and did a bunch of physical therapy under the watchful eyes of our team trainers and doctors.

Bret Boone was there that year, too. I knew I was in trouble as soon as I saw him. Those blue eyes danced with humor and mischief, and his wide smile was infectious. I felt the prickles of electricity as I shook his hand, but I didn’t freak out like I did with Dan in ‘97. In fact, I was almost immediately comfortable around Bret, which was a bit strange considering I was attracted to him. I guess I had decided that I could appreciate him and the pleasant warmth that flashed through me when he touched me, but that was as far as it would go.

That knowledge allowed me to relax in a way I couldn’t when it came to Danny. It was a good thing too, because Boonie likes to touch. Not just people either. Some of us guys were in a store and he touched just about everything he passed by in there. I asked him what the hell his damage was and he just shrugged and said, I’m a tactile guy. It was meant to be funny when he said it, but that was also our fair warning because he wasn’t lying.

That spring was different in a couple of ways. For me, there was no pressure to perform, no feeling I had let guys down if I hadn’t pitched well during a start. Also, it was post Randy Johnson, Ken Griffey, Jr., and Alex Rodriguez and no one knew how the team chemistry would go. Bret just wouldn’t allow anyone to settle into cliques. By the end of Spring Training, everyone knew everyone else. Ichiro even taught me some Japanese that I unleashed with great satisfaction on fellow teammates Shigetoshi Hasegawa and Kazuhiro Sazaki. It was pretty funny since what he taught me to say was pretty much the equivalent of, “You’re ugly and your mama wears combat boots.” They, in turn, displayed their excellent command of English by telling me to go fuck myself. Good times.

To make a long story short, I thought I’d be back before the end of that season, maybe even by the All Star break. Instead, I ended up having another surgery and it turned into two and a half years of rehab and struggle to get back. When Lou left for Tampa, I figured I’d missed my chance for making the club for the 2002-2003 season. I was pretty sure the new Skipper, Bob Melvin, would watch me throw a couple of games, pat me on the back and say ‘nice work kid,’ then send me to either San Antonio or Tacoma. I also figured on seeing Dan again. Nothing went the way I expected.

Due to a nasty knee injury that had required surgery right before camp, Dan wasn’t even in Arizona. Team doctors said he would miss at least the first month of the season, maybe more. Since I hadn’t figured on making the team, Spring Training had been the only time I would have had with him. I had been looking forward to seeing his smile and the teasing sparkle in his eyes as he tossed smart ass comments along with the balls. That was just Dan for you, though. He always had a calming or humorous remark for his teammates. He and Bret had become Seattle’s own Lewis and Martin. Not that they weren’t serious about stuff as well; those two were a couple of the most competitive men I’d ever met. Dan threw bats and abused his equipment just as much as the next hitter if he felt he wasn’t performing well. And Bret? I’d seen Boonie on his hands and knees on the grass after missing a ball, pounding his glove into the ground. You have to love having guys like that on your team. It makes everyone else play at a higher level. Anyway, I had been disappointed when I found out I wasn’t going to get my “Wilson Time.” Don’t get me wrong, Ben Davis is a great guy, he just isn’t Danny.

On the other hand, I’d been relieved. True, I wasn’t going to have conferences on the mound with him, but that also meant that I wouldn’t have to stop myself from performing a running tackle and plundering that amazing mouth on the field in front of thousands of people. There are several ways to come out of the closet, but I think if I ever do, I would like it to be somewhat less spectacular a display. So, yeah, just as well it had been Big Ben telling me I threw like a girl this year.

As it turned out, I’d had a decent Spring Training, even if my last start had been pretty dismal. Ten runs in less than four innings is not the way you want to cap off an otherwise good spring. I was so surprised when Skip informed me that I had wrapped up the fifth starting spot, I think the faintest breeze would’ve set me down on my ass. It was everything I’d worked so hard for the past two plus years. Back on the Mariners, in the starting rotation. Back to being tortured on an almost daily basis by the presence of Dan Wilson. I couldn’t wait.

 *******

‘Catcher, Dan Wilson.’

My attention was pulled back to the game as his name and the answering ovation from the fans echoed throughout Safeco field. He walked up to the plate and stepped in the box, taking a few practice swings as Anderson got set up on the mound. Eleven pitches later, he was still in the box. The Kansas City pitcher fidgeted and shook off every sign until his catcher finally called time and headed out to the mound. As the catcher returned and got into his crouch, Danny stepped in for the pitch, and I focused solely on him. Another foul ball fought off the plate.

“Keep the faith, son. The Force is strong in this one.”

I must have jumped five feet in the air when I heard the softly spoken words from beside me at the railing. A flush spread over my face as my startled and, I’m sure, panicked gaze flew to the owner of the voice. There stood Bret Boone, his blue eyes dancing with humor. Something darker flashed behind the teasing, but it was gone too quickly for me to decipher.

“H-hey, Boonie,” I stuttered weakly, as I dropped my gaze from his. I’d been so focused on Danny, I hadn’t even heard Bret come up beside me. I didn’t know how long he’d been there, but it was clear from what he’d said that he had seen my intense stare toward the plate. I wanted to die right then, because that way I wouldn’t have to try to explain why I’d been staring at Dan Wilson as if he were the only other person on the planet. I couldn’t believe it. All those years of caution blown by one moment of carelessness.

Bret didn’t make any movement to leave, in fact he threw his arm around my shoulders and gave me one of those Boonie half hugs that we all get from time to time. On one hand, it was good and suggested to me that maybe he hadn’t seen how I’d been staring at Dan, but on the other hand it meant I couldn’t ogle anymore. Damn.

“I have to say, Gil,” Bret’s teasing voice called me back out of my thoughts, “if you want to control the at bat and you aren’t even tonight’s starting pitcher? You’ve got some serious issues, my friend.” He grinned as he said it though, and I knew that everything was cool on his end.

“Fuck you, Bret.” I chuckled as we watched Dan foul off yet another pitch. He was going to wear Anderson out!

“I love it when you sweet talk me with that sexy accent of yours,” Bret replied, batting his eyelashes at me.

I laughed helplessly as he squeezed my shoulder before dropping his arm. “You are certifiable, Boonie.”

“So’s everyone else out here on the field. Was there a point in there somewhere?”

I snorted. “Guess not.”

We both turned to watch Danny receive the next pitch, the fourteenth of his at bat. He got the end of the bat on a breaking ball, sending it out into center field. It was caught, but was deep enough to score the runner on third to tie up the game. The crowd surged to its feet, giving their catcher a standing ovation. Not only for his outstanding at bat but also for rejoining the lineup. He tipped his hat as he hit the stairs to the dugout, acknowledging the crowd.

Bret wandered over to congratulate him, pushing his way into the fray of teammates waiting to bump fists or give high fives to the catcher. I hung back and watched Dan come down the stairs. He’d taken off his batting helmet and his hair was spiky and wet from the extended at bat. He was covered in a light sheen of sweat and his face was tinged with a slight flush. His huge grin had his dimples flashing as he slowly made his way down the stairs.

I felt the familiar tightening in my body and moved all the way back by the equipment wall. I knew I would need that extra time to get myself under control. I also wanted him mostly to myself when I spoke to him.

At the beginning of the season, even though Dan wasn’t playing yet, he’d come to every home game. The night of my first start, he’d come up to me in the locker room and, pulling me aside, he’d said, “Welcome home, Gil. We’re glad to have you back.” His light blue eyes had been dark with emotions that had confused me as he’d held my hand a little longer than might be considered proper. It had been a surprisingly tender moment, but then he’d smiled, told me to kick some Anaheim ass, and walked away to talk to someone else. I’m sure this sounds stupid, but my heart and stomach had done a couple of super flops. Not that I expected Dan to have that reaction, I just wanted to show him the same consideration, so I waited.

I heard the scuffle of cleats and knew my time was up. He was right in front of me when I finally lifted my gaze, his eyes shining with excitement and relief at being back. I took a steadying breath. “Welcome home, Danny. We’re glad to have you back.” My mouth went dry as I watched his smile change from the generic happy-to-be-back-out-there to something meant just for me and my words. I swallowed and I swear Boonie heard it from ten feet away because he turned to look at us. He gave an odd half-smile before turning back to the game.

“Thanks, Gil,” Dan replied softly, squeezing my arm as he passed me to put his helmet and bat away and get out his catching equipment, that private smile still on his face.

Warmth spread through me and I sighed as I watched him putting on his chest protector and shin guards. My arm still tingled from his touch, and all I wanted to do was devour his mouth with mine while I straddled him and ground us both to completion right there on the bench. There were so many reasons why I couldn’t do that, not the least of which was he didn’t belong to me in that way. I didn’t want to face any of those thoughts right now, so I returned to the rail to watch Ichiro’s at bat.

By the end of the game, I felt enough in control of myself to accept when Dan asked me if I wanted to celebrate with some of the guys that night. There had been such warmth and happiness in his eyes when he’d asked me, I couldn’t say no. I guess I figured since other guys would be there, it would be alright. I should have remembered that when it came to baseball, Dan Wilson and me, nothing ever seemed to go the way it was supposed to.

An impromptu party was held at Edgar’s place out on Hunt’s Point. He had a huge multi-level house, and each floor had it’s own deck - perfect for large gatherings such as this. When Danny had asked me, he’d said a few of the guys were getting together to toss back a couple of beers and chew the fat. Maybe that’s what he had been told as a cover, but the whole team had shown up. It had been a nice surprise for Danny - fitting.

After a couple of hours, I was ready for some alone time. I didn’t mind circulating and socializing, but crowds wear on me after awhile, even if they are my friends. I aimlessly wandered the garden path in the vast Martinez backyard. The view was amazing. Lake Washington was spread out before me, the water shimmering black and silver in the bright moonlight. The backdrop was Seattle’s skyline. During the day, you’d be able to see the Olympics rising behind the city and the Cascades to the east and south. Spectacular. I stood on the path for a good ten minutes, enjoying the view and the cool air.

I was headed back toward the house when I heard a low, ragged moan. I shook my head and smiled a little. In the middle of the garden, there was a sitting area, surrounded by trees and shrubs. It was protected from view on three sides while still allowing for a gorgeous view of the lake. The perfect spot for some stolen moments. Someone was using it to get some - lucky bastard. I tried to be quiet as I passed, hoping the lovers wouldn’t know anyone had heard them.

“God, babe, that’s so good...”

I stopped as I recognized Danny’s voice. I had never heard it in that particular hoarse, passion-roughened tone before, but it was him. Who was he out here with? I took a step in his direction before I even realized what I was doing. I had to know; I had to see who had earned the right to hear that voice saying such things to them.

I stepped around the corner and saw Dan, head thrown back, one hand gripping the edge of the bench as he thrust into the mouth of his lover. I must have made some kind of noise, because Dan turned quickly as his lover sprang up from between his legs. Shock flowed through me as I realized who I was seeing. I’m sure my jaw dropped. I felt like someone had kicked me square in the chest. I’m not sure what I expected to see, but I can tell you for certain that it wasn’t the man I’d dreamed of spending the rest of my life with, but never believing I had a chance because he was straight, with his cock down the throat of another man. Not just any man, but Bret Boone - apparently they were partners in more than just crime.

I was frozen, just staring at the two of them. Dan’s shirt was unbuttoned and half off, his pants undone and pulled down, along with boxers, enough to release his now flagging erection. Flagging or no, the sight of his cock drew an answering response from my own, and I could only be thankful that at the angle I was standing from them, they couldn’t see how I was affected. I managed to focus on the two sets of blue eyes watching me warily, and realized I had to let them know I wasn’t going to run to Skip with this information.

“I...I...didn’t mean to...I..won’t...” What the..? I sounded like a rube who just fell off the fucking turnip truck!

Dan made as if to get up from the bench. “Gil...”

“ _Don't_!” I held up my hand to reinforce the word. I couldn’t let him get any closer to me. Everything was so jumbled up in my head right now; I couldn’t deal with that and maintain the act that I was simply surprised by catching my two supposedly straight teammates in a compromising position. “Just, don’t. Alright, Danny?” I didn’t notice that he flinched because my attention had switched to Bret, who was watching me with narrowed eyes. I couldn’t tell if it was in anger or consideration of something else, and I couldn’t spare the energy to worry about it right now. Sound harsh? Try pretending shocked indifference about a situation when, in reality, you feel sick and want to die.

“Gil,” Dan tried again, “Listen, we...”

“You don’t need to explain anything to me. I won’t tell anyone.” I didn’t want to hear about him and Bret right now. All I wanted was to get away, hole up somewhere and examine the wound that had been inflicted tonight. “Gawd _damn_ , I never would’ve guessed this about y’all,” I said, rubbing my hand over my face. Understatement? I got your understatement right here.

“That would be the point,” Bret replied, finally entering the conversation. “If the wrong people find out it could be the end of our careers and neither of us is ready for that yet.”

“Your secret is safe with me.” As hurt, shocked and disappointed as I was, I meant it.

Jealousy flowed through me as Bret moved closer to Dan and ran his hand up and down the catcher’s arm soothingly. He had the right to touch Danny the way I wanted to and it ate at me. I wanted to sooth and offer comfort. Come to that, I was supposed to be the one who unbuttoned Danny’s clothes; who ran my hands and mouth over every inch of his flesh I could reach. Me, not Bret Boone, not anyone else.

I finally got my body to obey my brain and walk away. As I headed back toward the house, a little voice in the back of my mind whispered the real reason I wouldn’t say anything was because there was a chance someone might figure out why it mattered.

 *******

There was no way I could stay at the party, so I made my excuses to Edgar and his wife and beat it out of there. Luckily, I had parked a ways back on the drive way so my truck wasn’t blocked. I climbed in and rested my head on the steering wheel, trying to get some control over my chaotic thoughts. Dan Wilson was gay. My hands clenched into fists on my thighs. I should be happy with that knowledge, not want to break my windshield. Call me crazy on this one, but it’s hard to be excited when the chance you’d wished for is gone the instant it appears.

Not much to do but try to put it in perspective and get on with life. If you spend any time at all time in the public spotlight, you learn real fast not to guess on stuff like this. If you weren’t sure an invitation would be accepted, you didn’t offer. Simple as that. Unfortunately, there was nothing simple about what was happening. I felt hurt and betrayed and I was angry at myself for it. Hurt was one thing, but how could Danny have betrayed me when he hadn’t even known I was interested? It wasn’t like there were different rules for him. He couldn’t trust what he could only guess at or hope for either. A cold wave of shock ran through me for the second time that night. Dan had tried to let me know he was interested, but I’d explained away everything he’d done because I hadn’t thought it possible that he could or would want me. When your subtle invitation went unaccepted for God knows how long, you eventually retracted it, right? I was so fucking stupid!

How long had it taken Bret to decipher the catcher’s hints? Or had the second baseman been the one extending the unspoken invitation? How long had they been together? Were they happy? I wasn’t sure I wanted the answers, but if I was honest with myself, I knew they probably were and had been for quite some time. Likely since that 2001-2002 season. Apparently all three of us were in line for the fucking ‘Real Life’ Academy Awards.

I felt tightness spread across my chest and tears prick at the back of my eyelids as I drew in a shaky breath. I’d been dealing with Dan since 1997 and hadn’t yet shed tears because you don’t waste that kind of energy over something that just isn’t possible. Tonight was different, though. Tonight I’d realized that it had been possible and I’d just fucked it up beyond all reason.

Not like I’ve openly cried all that much in my life, not when it came to something other than sports anyway. When I was seven, my dad had to put down my favorite hound and he wanted me there as some sort of character-building exercise. I thought he was going to have a fit when I burst into tears. I ran back to the house, still crying. Maman gave me a big hug and said, “Bebe, you can cry all you want on the inside, just don’t let them see it.” I’ve never forgotten that. I could tell this particular episode wasn’t going to stay inside, though, so I just kept my head resting against the steering wheel and let the tears come.

All things considered, the crying jag wasn’t as bad as it could have been. I was on my way within twenty minutes, much more in control of my stupid emotions. Didn’t do me much good, though. I got home and threw myself onto my couch, leaning my head on the back. As soon as I closed my eyes, I was right back in that garden. There was Dan, head back, eyes closed, one hand holding on to the bench, the other in Bret’s hair. Then he was facing me, whatever sound I had made loud enough to alert him to my presence. Hair mussed, clothes askew, cock glistening from Bret’s mouth - I got hard just remembering. Bret had been in a similar state of disarray, but it had been his mouth that caused further tightening and heat in my body. I had fantasized about that mouth in the past. How it would look wrapped around me as he sucked me off; how it would feel afterward as he licked and suckled his way back up my body. His lips had been puffy from working Dan’s cock, and the memory sent a shudder through me.

I reached down, undid my pants and began stroking myself as I imagined walking over to Bret and tracing those lips with my tongue, tasting Danny, before taking his mouth in a deep, demanding kiss. We kissed roughly, insistently - our tongues tangling in the battle for dominance. I pulled him closer, grinding myself against him. We stood, hips thrusting, aching erections sliding together, delicious friction pulling us toward release. I moaned loudly as another hard cock began to grind against my ass. Danny’s fingers slid up to scrape across my nipples as he bit down on my shoulder. I came, shouting and shuddering with the intensity of it.

I groaned when I realized what I’d just done. I’d always tried to be honest with regard to fantasizing about Bret. The second baseman was first and foremost my friend; I just happened to find him attractive. Danny was different- I needed him; I was in love with him. There was an emotional attachment there, something I hadn’t allowed myself to develop with Bret. I had never allowed myself to think of Dan when I was fantasizing about Bret before. What was wrong with me? I sighed deeply as I got up to clean myself. I could only hope this wouldn’t become a common occurrence.

I didn’t sleep well that night. Go figure on that one, right? Sleep isn’t real forthcoming when you’re busy thinking a mile a minute about how your life has just changed in too many ways to count. In regards to the rest of the team, it was simple - pretend everything was just fine. Nothing else to do there. The problem was going to be between the three of us. I was going to have pull myself apart from Dan and Bret. There really wasn’t a choice; I would only make things worse if I tried to maintain that closeness. I would always want and love Danny, and I would resent Bret for being with him; for having what I wanted. Yeah, it might be difficult for them as well, but they had each other to fall back on. I had no such luxury. I was willing to do it, though, because I loved Dan.

Over the next few days, I kept myself away from them. It wasn’t all that noticeable to the rest of the guys but Bret and Dan recognized it for what it was. They were hurt, as I knew they would be, but they kept trying to reach out to me. I didn’t know how to make them stop. They didn’t cover this in school; there was no “How to make the man you love and his partner understand that you need more time to lock away your feelings before you can be around them” manual out there as far as I knew. I was just going to have to try something a little more drastic to get their attention.

Bob Melvin knew something was up when I asked for Ben to continue catching my games. Just days ago I had been all excited about my first start this season with Danny catching me, then I come into his office with this request. He’d stared through me for several long seconds before asking if that was what I really wanted. I got the distinct impression he hadn’t been fooled by the excuses I’d offered and that somehow he’d caught sight of the truth, but I nodded. He said he’d think about it. I knew that was as good as I was getting right then, so I thanked him and left.

I shuffled to the locker room, sat on an empty chair and closed my eyes. I’d done it. I’d made the request that would force a wedge between Danny and me. Maybe now he and Boonie would get the hint.

They did, in spades. Skip had granted my request for Ben to continue catching me and there was no mistaking what I had done for anything but what it was - a demand to be left alone. They complied and I spent the next six weeks putting as much distance between us as I could without drawing undue attention. I was quick to assure anyone who asked that everything was fine. It wasn’t though; I didn’t think it ever would be again.


	2. Chapter 2

The Fourth of July changed everything. We were in Texas and Bob told me before the game that Dan was catching me that night. I knew Ben was still recovering from a slight hamstring pull, so I nodded and tried to get myself mentally ready to connect with Danny.

I stank up the stadium that night. It seemed like I had no control over my pitches, location or speed. I was angry with myself for being distracted; for pitching so badly when Danny was calling a good game. We should have won. Instead, I was pulled after giving up five runs in four miserable innings. I couldn’t get out of my funk after I’d been pulled either. I just sat on the bench and glared at anyone who got too close.

We lost 5-1. I was getting ready to hit the showers when Bob appeared in front of me, mouth tight, telling me to get the hell in the office. I was surprised to see Danny when I got there. I looked over my shoulder, not sure if I was supposed to go in, but Skip gave me an impatient motion with his hand, so I went. He slammed the door shut and both Danny and I jumped and stared at him. “This loss was avoidable and unacceptable. Whatever your issues are, solve them. _Now_.” He slammed the door on his way out, too.

I just stood there, looking everywhere but at Dan. What were we supposed to say? Was he supposed to apologize for attempting to steal some time with his lover that night? Was I supposed to apologize for discovering them and not dealing well with it? I didn’t know, but anything would be better than this.

I finally met his steady gaze. He didn’t hide his pain and uncertainty from me and I was ashamed. I’d made him doubt the friendship we’d developed despite my inner awkwardness toward him. How could he not doubt it after what I’d done? Once again, I had fucked the whole situation up. To my mortification, I felt tears prick at the back of my eyes and I quickly looked away. It didn’t occur to me that he had already seen the pain, fear, guilt and self-recrimination that showed very clearly in my gaze.

“Gil, what have Bret or I done to deserve how you’ve treated us these past weeks? To my knowledge, neither of us ever put you in a situation that would have made you uncomfortable. I don’t understand where all this is coming from.”

I shook my head, still not looking at him.

“Will you at least look at me?” He was exasperated now and that wasn’t what I’d wanted. Why couldn’t I do anything right when it came to this man? I loved him so much, why did I do nothing but hurt him? I shook my head again, but my body language conveyed my reticence and unworthiness to him more clearly than words could have.

“Why not, Gil?” His voice was strained, but not angry and no longer exasperated.

My thoughts ran wild with that question. Maybe because I’ve wanted you since you shook my hand in 1997? Or because I’ve been falling in love with you ever since? How about I didn’t understand what you were trying to tell me for God knows how fucking long and by the time I figured it out you belonged to someone else? Might could be that I can’t seem to do anything but hurt you, and I get so mad at myself because I know you deserve better than that.

“Uhm, any of those will do,” Dan said softly.

I thought I was mortified before, with the tears? Not even close. Jesus! “I...uh... Fuck! You...you aren’t s’posed to know that stuff, Danny.” I hated the small, lost quality of my voice.

“Gil, please look at me.”

I shook my head. I didn’t know if I could ever look at him again after what I’d just blurted out. Of all the stupid shit I had ever imagined saying to Dan Wilson, this was so bad it had never even come up. I drew in a shuddering breath and turned for the door. I had to get out of that room, get away from him. I was so close; my hand was on the doorknob when he whirled me around. That finally got me to look at him. His eyes were dark with conflicting emotions. Pain, confusion, disbelief and what looked like hope. Hope? I must be really losing it.

“Let me go,” I said with absolutely no conviction.

“No.”

My eyes slid closed as I exhaled. “What do you want from me, Danny?”

“I want to know why you pushed Bret and I away like you did,” he replied, his voice low but insistent.

I chuckled humorlessly. “You can’t figure that out?”

His grip on my shoulders tightened. “I want you to tell me.”

I swallowed against the sudden dryness in my throat. He deserved to know but that didn’t make the telling any easier. I opened my eyes so there would be no misunderstanding between us, took a deep breath and came clean.

“I’m gay, Danny. I’ve wanted you since that first day, I just didn’t know how to handle myself around you. I mean, I was an 18 year old kid from the sticks. What was there about me that would entice a 28 year old man to try gay sex? You had me snowed but good and I didn’t think I had a chance with you, so every sign you tried to give me, I told myself I was imaginin’ things or that I wasn’t readin’ you right. How could you want me? You were straight.

“I fought fallin’ in love with you tooth and nail, but eventually I had to stop lyin’ to myself about how it was all just physical. You’re so much more than that to me. You were...I wanted to...” I faltered, unable to tell him how I’d dreamed of spending my life with him, before I shook my head and continued. “When I saw you and Bret, I couldn’t deal with it ‘cause I was jealous, Danny! It was s’posed to be me with you, not him! I didn’t think I could stay close to y’all and not resent Boonie for havin’ what I wanted. I thought it would be better for all of us if I just stayed away, but y’all wouldn’t let me. I felt...trapped. That’s why I did it, okay? I’m good at pretendin’, but I try not to lie to myself.” I sighed shakily. He knew everything now. Weren’t you supposed to feel better after telling your secrets? Looking into his wide, shocked gaze, I felt worse if anything.

His blue eyes suddenly narrowed. “How is it a lie, Gil?”

“How is it a lie?” I parroted. “Danny, come on - you heard what I was sayin’ before...”

“Of course I heard you,” he broke in. “Tell me how wanting someone in your life is a lie.”

“It’s not that wantin’ that’s the problem,” I replied, sighing. How do you explain this? “Maybe this’ll make it clearer. I love you. With me so far?”

His eyes flashed with irritation at my tactic but he nodded.

“Presumably, since you and Bret are together, y’all love each other?” I looked at him for confirmation. He nodded again.

“Well, where does that leave me, Danny? Where do I stand? ‘Cause I don’t wanna be off to the side, I wanna be right next to you. And to believe that’s possible when y’all are together is the lie.”

He looked away from me for the first time since we’d started this conversation and I wondered what was he hiding. He raised guarded eyes back to mine. “What if it isn’t?”

“Don’t, Danny,” I replied, hurt flooding my tone.

His eyes darkened and when he spoke, his voice was a mix of exasperation and pain. “Jesus, Gil, just listen to me for a minute, okay?”

I flinched at his tone but nodded and waited for him to speak again. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. I couldn’t help the small, rueful smile that crossed my face. His eyebrows raised in question as he caught sight of it. “I’m sorry, Danny, it’s just...you’re actin’ like...”

“Like I have feelings for you,” he finished for me when I faltered.

“I...yeah,” I replied weakly, hope flaring even as I looked away.

“I do,” he said quietly, laying his hand against the side of my face. His fingers skated lightly over my skin, stroking my cheek and jawbone, his palm cupping my chin. “I always have.” I leaned into the caress. It felt so good, so right, to finally have him touch me like this. I turned my head to kiss his palm and his fingers traced my lips. “I’ve never stopped, Gil.” His voice was husky. I’d never heard that tone directed at me before. Well, maybe in my dreams.

I raised my uncertain eyes to his. Dan _wanted_ me? I swallowed with great difficulty. He wanted _me_? I couldn’t wrap my mind around that.

“What’s...I don’t...” I flushed at my inability to generate even a semi-coherent thought. Danny didn’t laugh though, didn’t even smile at my sudden mental deficiency. Instead, he backed me up until I was against the wall, framing my face with those large, warm hands. My eyes drifted shut as he slowly leaned forward those last few inches and covered my mouth with his, lips moving gently over mine, asking for more. I sighed and opened my mouth, allowing him to deepen the kiss. His tongue stroked my teeth, the insides of my mouth, before tangling with mine.

At the touch of our tongues, any semblance of control over the kiss was lost. We attacked each other’s mouths, neither of us able to help ourselves. I reached around and grabbed his ass with both hands to hold him in place as I pressed against him.

He tore his mouth from mine, burying his head in my neck, his harsh, panting breaths hot against my sensitized skin. “God, Gil, you feel so good,” he grated. “I’ve waited so long for this...” He took possession of my mouth again, making a noise of approval in the back of his throat as I moved against him.

My shaking hands reached for his belt and fly. I didn’t care that we were in a very public space or that the door could open at any time. I didn’t care that despite our talk, Danny still didn’t belong to me. All I cared about was feeling his skin against mine.

I fumbled with the buckle and fastenings but eventually got them open, and then, finally, I could touch him. He moaned into my mouth as my hands slid under his jersey and shirt. We broke apart for him to lift them over his head. He tossed them in a careless pile on the floor, shuddering as I ran my hands down his chest and sides.

My jersey and shirt quickly joined his on the floor and then I pulled him back for another kiss. I shivered as his hands skimmed across my heated skin, but it wasn’t enough. I needed to feel all of him against me, no barriers between us. I needed him buried in me, stretching and filling me with each powerful thrust into my body. Driven by that thought, I hooked my fingers in both his uniform pants and underwear to pull them down over his narrow hips. At the touch of my fingers on his hips, Dan seemed to come to his senses. Where before his hands had helped me, now they held me back. I whimpered into the kiss. So close...how could he stop now?

At my small sound of protest, the catcher wrenched his mouth from mine and rested his forehead against my shoulder, our chests heaving together. I held him tightly, enjoying the skin to skin contact even though I wanted so much more. It felt so good to finally be holding Dan and not some poor substitute. He moved his head enough to kiss my collarbone. I inhaled sharply as he scraped his teeth over where he’d just kissed, then soothed it with his tongue before sucking on the same spot. He was marking me! “D-Danny?”

“Mhm hmm?” He continued worrying my skin.

“Is that...oh gawd...is that a good idea?”

He kissed my shoulder, my neck, my jaw. “I think it’s the best damn idea I’ve had all day.”

“But we still have to shower...”

Dan gave a husky chuckle. “Jesus, Gil, I’m trying not to bend you over that desk and fuck you until we can’t remember our names and you go putting that image in my head? What the hell’s wrong with you?”

That one was easy. “What’s wrong is that you haven’t bent me over that desk, and I still remember my name.”

Danny laughed. “God, I love you,” he said, kissing me once more before he stepped back from our embrace. “As much as I want to, I think we’d best wait until we’re somewhere a little more private, don’t you?”

My breath caught in my throat. He’d said the words!

“Gil?”

My gaze flicked to his. I must really have zoned out because he sounded like he was waiting for an answer to a question, and I hadn’t heard anything past the ‘I love you’ portion of what he’d said.

“You said you loved me.” I really needed to get control over my thoughts and their new found ability to leave my mouth whenever they felt like it.

“I did, didn’t I?” he replied, another small smile flashing across his face before he turned serious. “I’ll say it again. I love you, Gilbert Allen Meche,” he said as he leaned in again to capture my mouth in a quick, intense kiss before resting his forehead against mine. “I’ve waited a long time to tell you that.”

I drew in a shaky breath. “I keep thinkin’ I’m gonna wake up and find out I been dreamin’ this.”

Danny kissed my forehead then stepped back again. “No dream, Gil. Not for either of us anymore. I didn’t believe Bret when he first told me, but...”

Eh? “Bret told you what?”

“How you really felt that night in the garden. I was too upset to see it but he told me after you’d left.”

Well, that was unexpected. “What did he say?”

“That you loved me. I said there was no way you felt like that about me, but he disagreed. Told me he’d wondered before but hadn’t been sure until your reaction to us that night. Looks like we both had each other snowed.” He sighed and ran his hand up and down my arm. “So much time wasted.”

I closed my eyes. So much time wasted. “Yes, and all my fault.”

Danny was having none of it. “Stop it, Gil.”

Confused, I opened my eyes to meet his. “What?”

“Stop trying to take the blame.”

“But...”

“No. We both made decisions not to act on how we felt. You reacted to me so strongly but I wasn’t sure how to take it. I didn’t know if you were afraid I might know you were attracted to me or if you were straight and freaking out because you somehow knew I wanted you. When you acted like nothing had happened, I followed your lead. I’ve called myself all kinds of fool since Bret told me what he thought. My God - if I’d just gotten you to look back up at me that day ...” he trailed off and sighed again.

I was blown away. It hadn’t occurred to me that Danny might feel the same way I did; like it was his fault for not doing more or saying anything. I stared at him with wide, disbelieving eyes.

The catcher returned my stare with a bemused smile. “We can split the guilt, fifty-fifty, but that’s my best and final offer. Take it or leave it.”

I gave a rueful smile as I shook my head at him. “I’ll take it, but only ‘cause I love you.” He grinned, his eyes shining at my words, and I thought my heart would slam right out of my chest. I’d made him look like that. Me, Gil Meche, the Master of Fuck-Up.

Dan sighed. “We better get out of here,” he said regretfully as he reached down and picked up our clothes, offering me mine.

I nodded, silently pulling my shirt and jersey back on as I watched him do the same. Seemed a damn shame to be putting our clothes on instead of continuing to take ‘em off, but what could you do? Reality awaited.

As Danny opened the door, I heard Skip’s voice asking if we had everything settled and I flushed. Jesus, he’d been right outside the door the whole time? How much had he heard? While we hadn’t screamed the walls down, we hadn’t exactly been quiet either. I wanted to die when I heard Danny reply that he thought we’d be alright and Bob chuckled, but I sucked up every last bit of courage and dignity I could summon and followed the catcher out into the hallway. As we began to walk toward the locker room, I heard Bob mutter something that sounded suspiciously like, “About damn time.”

By the time we got back to the locker room, almost everyone else was dressed and done giving interviews. Bret gave an odd smile as we entered the room. I’d seen it before. When I’d had my semi-private conversation with Dan the night of his first game back, Bret had looked over from the railing and given that same smile before turning back to the game. I knew what it meant now. It was the smile of a man who understood that sometimes loving someone wasn’t enough; that sometimes a piece was missing that he couldn’t fill no matter how hard he tried. I hated all of us right then. Myself for loving Dan, Dan for loving me even after he’d found Bret, and Bret for settling. What a fuckin’ mess. I shook my head in dismay and headed for the showers, dodging the reporters on my way. If they wanted me, they’d just have to wait a little longer.

I stood resting my head against the shower wall, letting the lukewarm spray run down my body as I contemplated what had just happened. Only Dan’s recovery of his senses had stopped us from having sex in the visiting team’s office, with his partner just down the hall in the locker room and our coach outside the door. I banged my head softly against the wall. It should be simple - I love a man who loves someone else, I suffer in silence, end of story. Bret wasn’t supposed to figure out how I felt and he certainly wasn’t supposed to share his conclusions with Danny. Forget me, what the fuck was wrong with him? I heaved a deep sigh. Really, I knew exactly what was wrong with him because I had the same problem - we both loved Dan Wilson and wanted him to be happy. I banged my head harder before stepping back and reaching for the soap. Time to get back in there and face the music for my rotten performance on the mound.

As I walked back into the locker room, the reporters converged and began their questions. What had gone wrong for me tonight? Was I injured? Had I pushed too hard too soon after my surgeries? How did I feel about my team’s inability to generate hardly any offense for me? I answered their questions with classic man talk - I felt fine, the arm was fine, everyone has a bad game here and there, we’d pick it back up in no time blah blah blah. They didn’t like my vague replies, but fuck ‘em - I didn’t even want to discuss tonight’s game with people I cared about. After a few more minutes of unsuccessfully trying to get more out of me, they gave up for the time being and left.

I pulled on some boxers and a pair of pants, then looked into my small mirror to comb my hair. My gaze caught on the mark Dan had left and heat curled through me as I remembered the catcher worrying my skin between his teeth and tongue. I felt a finger lightly trace the mark and I shivered, sighing softly with pleasure as I let that gentle touch pull me back from my memory.

“That’s an unusual bruise you got there, Gil.” I drew in a sharp breath as I focused on blue eyes that didn’t belong to Dan. I hadn’t hidden my arousal at the caress, and now Bret was aware of it. His eyes widened and darkened as he quickly pulled his hand away and looked down.

“Uh...Bret...” I was floundering. My mind had been caught up in how Dan had made me feel earlier, and the second baseman’s touch had always sparked a reaction in me, so my body didn’t recognize the difference. It only knew that it wanted more.

“We need to talk,” he broke in, still looking down.

“O...Okay,” I stammered, not sure how to deal with this newest wrinkle.

“Come by the room,” he said, his voice low and rough, before leaving abruptly.

I closed my eyes tightly. Fuck! I stood there for another minute before throwing a shirt on and tossing the rest of my stuff in my bag. As soon as I was done, I booked it out to the bus where I sat as far away from Dan and Bret as I could for the short trip back to the hotel.

 

*******

I stood in the hallway outside their room, utterly terrified and calling myself an idiot for feeling that way. Everything had already changed, it was just the matter of where we would end up that would be decided tonight. I knocked and a few seconds later the door swung open and Danny, a welcoming smile on his face, ushered me inside. Bret was sitting in a chair by the window at the farthest end of the room. He didn’t look at me. I’d really fucked things up in the locker room, I guess. I didn’t know what to say, just stood there and stared mournfully at Boonie, who was staring out the window.

“It’s not what you think, Gil,” Danny said, moving in front of me and gesturing toward Bret.

“What is it then?” I asked, still looking at Bret. His grip on the arms of the chair tightened as he heard my hurt tone, but he still didn’t look at me.

Danny sighed. “It’s... complicated.”

“Complicated?” I looked at him like he’d grown a third eye. “Jesus, Danny, bad enough I gotta hurt you every time I turn around, now I’m branchin’ out to Boonie, too? Maybe I should just make things simple and go...”

“Don’t leave, Gil,” Bret said, standing up, crossing the room to where I stood and putting a lightly restraining hand on my arm. He finally met my gaze - heat, need and something deeper darkened his light blue eyes. That thunk you just heard? My jaw hittin’ the floor.

“Bret? What...” Par for the course, my brain to mouth transmission shorted out, leaving me flailing for words.

Like Danny, Bret didn’t smile or laugh at my inability to articulate. In fact, his eyes darkened more and he moved so close I could feel his hardness against my thigh. “I want you to stay,” he said, his voice thick with emotion.

I blinked slowly, trying to process what was happening. Danny moved behind me, his hands gently kneading my shoulders, trying to soothe me. That might’ve worked if I hadn’t also felt his cock pressing against my ass. Bret lifted my shirt over my head as his hands and mouth began to explore my chest. My eyes slid shut and my head fell back on Danny’s shoulder as Bret kissed the mark the catcher had left on me earlier that night. Pressing my forehead against Dan’s neck, I gasped as the second baseman dragged his teeth over that spot, licking and sucking on it, making it his, too.

Danny nuzzled his way up my neck. He rubbed his nose against my earlobe before gently scraping his teeth across the tender flesh and sucking it into his mouth to soothe it with his tongue. He released it only to nip and lick at the sensitive skin behind my ear.

I shivered as Bret pressed one last open mouthed kiss to my collarbone before working his way down my chest. Fingernails scraped across my nipples, drawing a loud groan from me, but Bret’s lips and tongue quickly eased the sting.

Danny nibbled his way from behind my ear. “Do you want this, Gil?”

I couldn’t think of anything I’d ever wanted more. “Gawd yes!”

Bret pulled my head from Dan’s shoulder so he could meet my eyes, then asked in that rough, hoarse voice, “Both of us?”

I don’t imagine many people ever see Bret Boone as vulnerable as he was right then. His eyes were filled with conflicting emotions - desire and need swirled with uncertainty and invitation. He wanted me, but he didn’t know if that was enough.

I nodded, keeping my gaze locked to his. “Both a ya.” The hunger that flashed through his eyes drew an answering want from me.

“Well, now that that’s settled...” Dan chuckled huskily, breaking the moment.

“Fuck you, Wilson,” Bret shot back at the same time I said, “Fuck you, Danny.” We looked at each other and laughed as the catcher sighed and replied dryly, “All talk, no action.”

Dan’s arms wrapped around me, hugging me tightly from behind for a moment before he released me and stepped away; Bret doing the same from the front. I sighed, wanting their touch back now that it was gone, and sat down on the end of the bed.

Bret moved to stand between my legs. “This isn’t new, Gil,” he said quietly. “I’ve wanted you for a long time.”

My eyes flew to his. “You have?”

He nodded. “Pretty much since we first met, but as far as I could tell you weren’t into that, so I left it alone.”

I chuckled ruefully as I shook my head. “Don’t that just beat all?”

“What?” he asked, taking in my dismay.

“Aww, Bret, I’ve only been attracted to ya since the day I met ya,” I answered with a heavy sigh.

Bret cocked his head to the side. “Really?”

I nodded, knowing I had to come clean with him, too. “Knew I was in trouble the second I laid eyes on ya that spring. I was already in love with Danny, though, so I just accepted that I was attracted to you and got a little buzz whenever you’d touch me and moved on. I... I didn’t know.”

“You weren’t supposed to know,” Bret answered, smiling a little. “It wasn’t until I saw you with Dan this season that I even considered you might swing that way.”

“What made you think that?” I asked.

Bret looked over his shoulder at the catcher before turning back to me, his smile growing wider. “Well, the moony way you stared at him from the rail was a pretty big clue.”

I flushed with embarrassment as my gaze dropped to the floor.

“You are so cute when you get all flustered,” Bret said, laughing as I glared up at him.

Dan chuckled and I switched the glare to him. He shrugged, grinning.

I turned the glare back on its original recipient. “Are ya gonna tell me or are ya gonna stand there bein’ a dick?”

The second baseman’s eyes sparkled with amusement. “You got a problem with dicks?”

I rolled my eyes. “C’mon, Boonie, just spit it out already.” As soon as the words left my mouth I wanted to take them back.

Bret turned to Dan, shaking his head. “That’s the problem with the young ones, Wilson. They can’t keep their minds off sex.” Danny struggled to not laugh but failed miserably.

Exasperated, I stood up and moved so I was facing both of them. “I swear I’m’a put my foot up both y’all’s asses!”

Danny and Bret looked at each other for a long moment and I thought maybe I’d finally made my point. I should have known better.

“I’ve never tried a foot before,” Boonie said with a slight shrug.

“I’m willing to experiment,” Danny replied, nodding.

They both turned to me. “Alright, Gil. If that’s what you really want, we’ll try it,” Bret said with a perfectly straight face.

The two of them stood there, looking for all the world as if I’d made some outlandish request that would be a sacrifice for them to fulfill. My lips twitched. Their expressions never changed. Finally, I couldn’t hold it in anymore and I laughed as I shook my head. “Y’all are seriously cracked.”

Laughter filled the room, chasing away the tension. Danny hugged me from one side and Bret from the other. I sighed and wrapped my arms around them. Bret kissed the juncture of my neck and shoulder and Danny began to nibble his way down my neck on the other side. I gave a low moan at the double assault.

Danny moved behind me and put his hands on my hips, pulling me tightly to him as he licked and nipped his way across the back of my shoulders and neck. I shuddered with pleasure and pressed back against him as he found a hot spot at the base of my neck. He made a low noise of encouragement as he grazed his teeth across that sensitive skin. I cried out softly and let my head fall forward.

Bret’s hands slid down my ribcage as his tongue flicked over my left nipple. My breath caught in my throat as he captured the nub between his teeth, gently scraping, before moving to the other nipple to pay it the same attention. He continued licking and sucking my sensitized flesh and when he could no longer reach by bending his head, he sank to his knees.

His hands made quick work of unfastening my belt and fly, then moved back up to rest atop of Danny’s on my hips. He nibbled around my belly button, dipping his tongue inside before rubbing his cheek against my hardness.

“Gawd, Bret... _please_...” I cried as I sucked in my breath.

“Tell me what you want, Gil,” he replied, his own voice thick with arousal.

“Want...you...to...” I broke off with a harsh gasp as Bret gently kissed the fabric still covering my erection. Whatever else I might’ve said was swallowed by Danny as he angled our heads so he could kiss me. I whimpered into the kiss, needing more. This felt so good, but it wasn’t enough. I didn’t know if I could ever get enough. At my small noise, Bret groaned and pulled down my pants and underwear, freeing my aching cock.

I tore my mouth from Dan’s and wriggled in his grasp. All I could think of was getting closer to Bret, needing his touch, his mouth on my painfully hard cock, but the catcher held me fast. “Please...” I forced out between ragged breaths.

Dan inhaled sharply at my needy tone, grinding himself against my ass as he nuzzled my neck. Bret wrapped his hand around me and squeezed. “Is this what you want?” he asked, hoarsely.

I shook my head. It felt fuckin’ amazing, but it wasn’t what I wanted. I looked down at him, and raised my hand to his mouth, tracing his lips with my fingers as I held his aroused gaze. “Your mouth...”

“Jesus...” Danny groaned behind me as Bret’s breath hitched.

The second baseman gave a shaky smile. “Your wish is my command.”

He squeezed me again then took me into his mouth. I shuddered and gasped as he began to move his head up and down my shaft, taking a little more in each time. His tongue dragged along the underside, teasing while keeping his teeth away from the sensitive skin there. My head fell back on Danny’s shoulder as Bret increased his rhythm. I wanted to thrust into that talented mouth, but Dan held my hips still. All I could do was lean back against the catcher and cry out my pleasure as Bret worked my cock.

Danny began sucking on my neck just below my Adam’s apple just as Bret lightly scraped his teeth across the top of my erection. It was too much. I came so hard I saw black at the edge of my vision before I sagged, boneless, against Dan’s chest. Bret continued gently sucking me, swallowing everything I had to give. I tried to catch my breath as he released my spent cock and stood up, but one look into those hungry and still very aroused eyes made that impossible.

Dan moved his hands from my hips, wrapping his arms around me and nuzzling my sweaty hair. I sighed as Bret reached to help the catcher hold me upright. Between the two of them, they maneuvered me to the bed and laid me down, completely removing the rest of my clothing.

“Why am I the only naked one here?” I demanded when I realized they were both still fully clothed.

“Because we want to look at your hot bod without distractions,” Bret replied, winking at Danny.

I shook my head, a hint of a smile on my lips. “I like distractions.”

Danny snorted. “Sure, it’s all about you.”

I inclined my head regally. “So long as y’all understand that, we’ll be alright.”

Bret nudged Dan. “Isn’t he just precious? Can we keep him?”

The catcher pretended to consider. “We’ll have to love him and pet him and call him George.”

Bret leered at me. “I’m up for the petting part.”

Danny chuckled huskily as he glanced down at the obvious tenting in Bret’s pants. “No pun intended, I’m sure.”

“Fuck the both a ya,” I groused, my lips twitching.

Danny gave an exaggerated sigh. “Such a romantic, I just can’t get enough!”

We all laughed, but this felt strange to me. How was it that they were standing there, both still hard, with me lying naked on the bed and yet we were joking and teasing? I had no experience with this type of thing. Sex had always been sex, there had been no teasing or fun for me before. I had either been with women, who held no attraction for me and so involved work and concentration, or on the sly with men, always having to worry about not getting recognized or caught.

“What are you thinking, Gil?” Danny asked quietly, seeing the shadows in my eyes.

I gave a one shoulder shrug. “How different this all is for me.”

“In a good or bad way?” Bret inquired.

“Definitely good,” I assured them. “I just never knew what all I was missin’ up til now.” I gave another shrug and shook off the megrims. “Look, y’all are wearin’ too many clothes here. Take ‘em off already!”

“Yes, sir!” Danny snapped off a credible salute before turning to Bret. “You heard the man!” The second baseman nodded sharply and the two of them proceeded to treat me to an incredibly sexy show as they stripped each other, touching, kissing, licking and nibbling as they went.

I felt my cock stir as they worked. God, they were so hot together. I reached down and began slowly stroking myself, enjoying their show.

When they were completely naked, they turned back to me. “Looks like Gil’s ready to play again,” Bret said appreciatively.

My hand stopped in mid-stroke as Danny straddled me. He leaned down and kissed me, his tongue tangling with mine as his hands pinned my shoulders to the bed. He broke away from my mouth. “You ready to play again, Gil?”

“Y-yes...”

Dan captured my mouth again, and I gave myself up to it, letting him take control. He made an approving noise deep in his throat and angled his head to deepen the kiss. I sighed into his mouth and let go of my dick, bringing my hand to rest on the back of his thigh.

“I want to touch you, Danny,” I said against his lips, squeezing his thigh with my fingers.

The catcher’s eyes widened as he sucked in his breath. He rolled so he was stretched next to me, his straining erection against my hip. I wrapped my hand around him and felt his deep shudder. His eyes closed and he gave a broken groan as I began to stroke him slowly.

When I felt a hand lightly skimming my other hip, I looked over and saw Bret watching us. He smiled at me but motioned his head back toward Danny. I didn’t need to be told twice. I turned all of my attention back to the catcher, adding more pressure as I moved my hand up and down his shaft. Danny gave a low and ragged moan, but I didn’t want him to come in my hand - I’d waited too long for this. I squeezed him and pulled my hand away.

The catcher’s eyes flew open. “What?”

“I want you inside me when you come,” I said throatily.

“Oh god...” Danny shivered at my words, his eyes tightly closed again as he fought for control.

Bret’s fingers had tightened on my hip as I’d spoken to Danny. I pulled his hand to my mouth and sucked his fingers, wetting them. I turned on my side so I was facing Dan and moaned as the second baseman stretched and prepared me.

The catcher growled and rolled us so I was on my back and he was flush against me, our erections rubbing together, drawing hisses of pleasure from both of us. Dan was away from me for a moment as he rolled on a condom, but then he was back, lifting my legs over his shoulders, his fingers teasing my entrance as he applied lube. He started to enter me slowly, but I needed him filling me, pounding into me - not gentleness. I pushed back against him as hard as I could, crying out as he slid in all the way.

Dan stopped, shaking with the effort of staying still until I could adjust to him. “Damn it, Gil,” he said, his voice rough and low. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

My harsh breathing made it hard to answer, but if he didn’t start moving soon, I was going to die. “Just...fuckin’ _move_...” I muttered as I pushed against him again.

He didn’t have much choice with me pressing him the way I was, and soon there was no control, only Dan and me thrusting wildly; him filling me like I’d wanted him to for so long. He changed his angle, brushing my prostate on the next few strokes, and I came with a strangled cry, my orgasm triggering his. I felt him slip from me as he collapsed forward onto my chest. My legs fell to the sides as he buried his head in my shoulder, his breath hot against my neck. I nuzzled his sweaty hair as he kissed my neck and shoulder. I sighed, content to let his welcome weight press me into the mattress. You always felt good after awesome sex, but there really was something special about right now. Danny’s eyes were soft, languid, filled with things I had never thought to see directed at me - satiation, banked desire, love.

Bret gently removed the condom before wiping Danny’s and my chests with a hand towel. He settled himself next to Dan, kissing the shoulder blade of the catcher. Danny smiled playfully as he rolled over to face his other lover.

“Batting clean-up... Bret Boone,” he intoned before kissing the second baseman.

I watched the kiss disintegrate as they began laughing into each other’s mouths. How could you even think about laughing like that when you were naked and close and your lover’s cock was rubbing against yours? I wondered if I would ever be able to understand.

Sighs and moans filled the room as they teased each other with hands and tongues and teeth. They knew each other’s hot spots and they attacked them mercilessly. I wanted Bret to touch me that way, to kiss me like that. I wanted to feel him inside me, hear him crying out in my ear as he came. I wanted to join them but I didn’t know if I would be welcome, so I moved against the wall, away from their space.

My movement caught their attention and they both turned to look at me. “Sorry,” I mumbled.

“What are you doing way the hell up there?” Bret reached toward my foot and gave a tug.

“Tryin’ not to distract y’all.”

Danny chuckled huskily. “Gil, you’re lying on my bed naked, okay? Too late, kiddo.”

I flushed as Bret added his own chuckle. “You are a very welcome distraction, though,” he said, pulling my foot a bit harder. “Now get down here.”

I didn’t argue, just slid myself down until I could spoon up behind Danny. The catcher sighed and pressed back against me.

“This isn’t quite what I had in mind,” Bret said as he reached over Dan and stroked my hip and side.

Danny raised an eyebrow. “What, out with the old in with the new?”

Bret smirked. “Something like that.”

The catcher chuckled and crawled over me so that I was in the middle. “Better?”

Bret’s aroused gaze burned into mine. “Much,” he breathed as he leaned forward to cover my mouth with his. He moved his lips over mine and I opened my mouth so he could deepen the kiss. As our tongues explored, I tasted myself and it turned me on even more. I wrapped my hand around Bret’s erection and he moaned into our kiss as he thrust into my hand. I wrenched my mouth from his and we gasped for breath, chests heaving together.

“I want you inside me,” he grated.

“But I wanted you to...”

Bret huffed out a ragged laugh. “One of us is going to be disappointed and it isn’t me.”

“Well, fuck you, Bret,” I retorted.

“Yes, Gil,” he replied, “That would be the general idea.”

I laughed. I couldn’t help it, he was nuts. He really was. Danny reached around and began rolling a condom on me. He kissed behind my ear as he squeezed some lube on my hands.

I brushed my fingers against Bret’s entrance, getting ready to prepare him. He groaned and pushed back and I realized that the little devil had already prepared himself. “Cheater,” I whispered in his ear as I crooked a finger and brushed his prostate.

Bret cried out and pushed back against my fingers again.“Gil...please...” he choked out between pants.

The sound of Bret Boone begging for me to fuck him just about ruined my ability to do it; I thought I was gonna explode right that second. Now I knew what Danny had felt like.

I guided my cock to his entrance, rubbing against him, teasing him before acquiescing to his threats of kicking my ass if I didn’t get a move on. I began thrusting into him, trying not to establish a rhythm so I could last a little longer. Bret was having none of that. He pushed against me, wanting more.

“We’re gonna do it my way, Bret, cause I’m bigger than you are.”

Next thing I know, Boonie’s rolled us over and straddled me, smirking down into my startled face. “You may be bigger, but I’m stronger than you, so now we’ll do it my way.” And with that he began to move on me, meeting my thrusts with his own.

Danny straddled my stomach and leaned down, kissing me deeply. Bret’s heat massaging me as the catcher sucked on my tongue was about the best thing I’d ever felt in my life. Dan released my mouth and lifted himself off of me. I heard Bret’s harsh gasp as the catcher sank onto his cock and I shuddered at the sound. I reached up and wrapped my hand around Danny’s dick. He groaned raggedly as he worked Bret as deep as he could before pushing forward into my hand.

The second baseman grabbed Danny’s hips and angled himself so that I was hitting his prostate on every downstroke while Danny pushed back against him. Their gasps and broken cries pushed me closer to the edge and I increased my pressure and speed on Danny’s shaft. It didn’t take very long before he was pouring himself all over my chest. Bret followed with a choked cry, his orgasm triggering mine as his tight channel gripped me. Danny collapsed against my chest again, Bret leaning against his back as we lay in a sweaty, heavy-limbed pile for a long moment before Bret managed to lift himself off of me and remove my condom. Danny turned me on my side and spooned up behind me while Bret snuggled against my chest. We settled into a comfortable tangle on the bed and I drifted to sleep feeling like I belonged there, between them.

I awoke to the same feeling, reveling in the warmth of my lovers bodies against mine; feeling their breath on my skin as they slept on. My lovers. I hadn’t even been able to fathom Danny wanting me; Bret feeling that way as well was just plain blowing my mind. A positive triangle just hadn’t occurred to me - I’d always assumed that I’d be left on the sidelines. I began to hope that there might really be a way to make this work - for all of us.

I tried to stretch, but with the tangle of arms and legs it was harder than I’d anticipated and I felt Bret move.

“Morning,” he murmured in a gravelly voice as he kissed the scar on my shoulder.

“Mornin’,” I replied, nuzzling into his hair before dropping a kiss on his forehead. As I looked down at him, I couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped.

“What?”

“I’m sorry, Bret, but your hair is wild, man,” I answered, beginning to laugh harder. “Jesus, even Alfalfa only had it stickin’ up in one place.”

Boonie looked at me like I was nuts. “Okay, Pat Riley you are not, my friend.”

We both laughed over each other’s bed head and it felt... natural, like I’d been waking up beside him for years.

“Can’t a guy get some sleep around here?” Dan grumbled.

“He’s grouchy, huh? Not a morning person?” I asked Bret with a smile.

“He’s usually good to go after fantastic sex. I don’t know what his problem is,” Bret replied, chuckling.

Dan laughed against my shoulder. “Shut up, Bret,” he growled playfully.

The second baseman winked at me as he said, “Wait until you get a load of Wilson’s hair.”

“Yeah, it’ll reinforce what a godawful thicket Boone has on his head,” the catcher retorted.

I laughed as they teasingly sniped at each other. They were including me in their fun, making me feel a part of it, showing me what would be in store if I chose to take that last step. I still had my doubts, but now that I’d had a taste of being with them, I knew I would regret it the rest of my life if I didn’t try.

“Earth to Meche, come in Meche.” Dan chuckled as Bret called to me softly.

“Sorry,” I muttered as a flush crept up my neck. I wondered if the damn flush was going to become a permanent resident soon and sighed.

Bret laid me on my back as both he and Danny leaned up on their elbows to look down at me, concerned. “What’s going through that mind of yours, Gil?” the second baseman asked, running his hand lightly across my chest.

I shook my head. “Y’all are really worried I’m gonna jump outta this bed and run, aren’t ya?”

Dan smiled crookedly. “Considering how you’ve reacted up to now, I’d have to say, yeah, that thought has probably crossed both our minds.” Bret nodded in agreement.

“To be honest,” I replied, “I still have my doubts about how all this will work, but I’d be the stupidest sumbitch on the planet if I didn’t accept what y’all are offerin’ me here.” I tried to convey everything I was feeling with my eyes as I looked from one to the other. “I got a chance for something I never thought was possible and I’m not gonna let fear over what might happen keep me from tryin’ to make it work.”

Both sets of blue eyes were filled with relief, happiness and affection. I smiled up at them, knowing I’d made the right decision. We all loved each other to varying degrees, the dynamics would be worked out as we moved forward together. What mattered was that I would be an equal partner, not only invited but expected to take part in the festivities.

Funny how, in the end, complicated became more important to me than simple. The universe works in strange ways, and sometimes you just have to take that leap. 

 


End file.
